State of mind freshness, through this ride, its like a process the feelings and emotions of grief and anger and loss etc, the music takes you on that ride and helps filter out thoughts and lets you sort through them, will acceptance come at the end? we dont know yet……………….
“somebody stop me some body save me”
Ok so I dont know really how to word this, but do I ever? Its just this odd feeling when you look in the mirror and you see yourself naked, dirty hair, bad skin and well the obvious, no boob, and some jiggle. I look and look and try and find the person that used to be there, I kind of feels like the imprint is there, but over these past months its gone kinda of fuzzy, half way through this and people tell me I look well. OK then, but I dont want to look well, I want to look how I used to, say 2-4 years ago dam it.
Half-way through, so whats the point of stopping now? I can give you plenty, but I can also give you the be all and end all not to.. Will stopping now kill me? In the long run that is, or will the chemo give me cancer too…. and here we go again, like Theo trying to find his tail, the proverbial pain in the ass…
As I said above, im over this new looking version of myself, its far too needy. It needs drugs, it needs a facial, it needs its hair coloured, it needs to get its dam Xmas drink on … There seams to be a bit of a shin dig on Thursday night, hum can I do it chemo. Then friends bday then a bit of a dance? Yes I know im pushing it, but im getting fluids the next day……….