Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you’ve sown.
ADELE – ROLLING IN THE DEEP
As usual I never write enough, radiation kinda kicked me in the butt a bit, I have had 16 sessions over 3 weeks and now two weeks later I’m burnt like a crisp and my skin is burning and peeling. The peeling just started on Sunday, oh and I have like a full blown flu/cold. At first I thought it might be an infection as well now……………..
It was Friday, Friday, and it was Gav’s 30th so I’m running late from work, I arrive shoeless, as I had been wearing massive heels at work all day, run down the footpath and ripped my foot open………….. :S
Oops to say the least! And after I bleed all over Gav and Vix front step, people had a bit of a panic and thought I would need stitches. So off to the ER I go. No stitches required though, so we go to the after hours to get bandages etc, then after we fix my foot I try and make a drink and jam my finger in their wine chiller, um clutz much?
But then I thought it was from swimming on Monday and had to jump in the pool coz I was late and got water in my sinus’s .Also swiming sucks as I got phantom chest pains and forgot for a second what was/is wrong with me, went to itch my boob and. Well it’s not there is it, so I was having a full blown melt down in my head getting all upset. While doing the “rocking horse” in the pool
But now its Thursday and I should be at work but I have been up half the night throwing up mucus, and sounding like nanny fine. Which mike thinks is hilarious, but after pondering I think it was the fucker on Sunday, who’s hair I cut and when I asked what they were up to the answer was “I’m sick” oh great I have spent the past 3/4 years with a constant cold, and the only time I didn’t have it was the last few months. When I have been having treatment, so me being me is driving herself crazy thinking I have scalp mets and the cancer has come back. Fuck sake I’m so over being sick all the time it’s like just kill me and be done with it. Seriously! Yes I know I’m being dramatic, but you get to the point when enough is enough. Well now I think my wahing over my man flu is done now……….
But anyhow. Radiation, So what do the effects feel like? Some times its like someone flicking/slapping you. Other times it makes me hunch over in pain. But mainly it feels like when you have been in a sun bed for far too long, but unlike the sun bed, you don’t get a nice tan, you get a burn you can’t scratch. It or you will fuck your skin and you might not be able to get an expander put in. And I’m not, not, not, getting a tram flap………… So soon I may have to deal with new disappointment that I will be onesy for the rest of my so called life?
After my doctors only recommending that I put fatty cream on it, I had enough and put some manuka honey on it, and surprise surprise after 2 lots of it, it’s much better. It’s still peeling but the red has died down a lot.
Before I started radiation I asked if I could put honey on, and I was meet with a kinda, I don’t know, apprehension as I have found when I ask to do things that are not the norm for the cancer patient…
So my high points for the week are………………… I started pink palates, with a runny nose and sore head. The trainer is very nice, and offers just to do a massage instead of me exerting myself, but I want to go ahead and push myself. So for approx forty mins I pull all sorts of poses and faces, but it’s all good and I feel better for doing it, and she answers all my questions, like how should my feet be, where should my knees go etc…. If you haven’t heard of them look them up here http://www.pinkpilates.co.nz/
I think the class’s are $50 each but you can get funding if you qualify, which I do! Yays. So it only costs me $10 a class. They have these pink laces which you can get for $10 buck to help with costs, so I gave them $20 and told them to keep the laces. Firstly what the hell am I going to do with pink laces and secondly I hate the whole pink thing as you all know.
Oh and I kinda realised how see-though my pants were so I’m sorry to the trainer for having to see my massive green butt through my black paints oops
Oh and I got my hair done yesterday, yess, much better than last time, got Pris at work to do it, which I’m very grateful for so thanks to her and my boss Kev for letting me have it done and sorry I couldn’t come to work today, which I feel completely terrible about.
And my final thoughts for this issue are………….. so I read this blog called “but doctor I hate pink” she has just been told she has mets and a spot on her liver, so thats kinda made me sad and scared and mad that I just can’t step out of this saga and ride off in to the sun set…………