_ I can feel, something happening
_____ That I’ve never felt before
_________ Hopeless dreaming will start
_____________ Dragging me away from heaven’s door….

Chase & Status – End Credits ft Plan B

Today, my god, the curtain falls down, miss I don’t give a shit, go on look, you know you want to do it rawr. And then I start crying in the super market. I ring Mike slumped over the trolley, it just about kills me and I can’t breathe, and feel dizzy. Mike tells me just to leave it and go, but tomorrow in the merry land of New Zealand, GST goes up, so gas at the mo is 1.73.9c a litre and tomorrow another 7c will be added to that and that’s not the premium gas either.
But after an hour of nearly dropping stuff and almost bashing into people, I make it.  And then I have to pack those bloody things. I just about cry as I look at them, but I make it and drive to Mikes work to have lunch. He wants to go for a walk, I laugh and tell him are you fukin kidding me.

I found when we were away in Hanmer I felt pretty good, that could be because we were finally away together or I had medicated myself with pills and booze the whole time. While there I managed to freak out the massage chick and ended up with a right side body massage for an hour, and ha ha Mike had a masseuse from Sweden or somewhere like that. FUNNY. But sitting in the pools, steam rooms and the spas really helped.

There is a program for cancer people were you go and excise at the pool with a noodle (large stick that floats) I can picture it now, me and the old ducks with our noodles flailing about.

Coz yet again 27 year old me just can’t get my head around this whole deal, we have a friend, Clare, her mom has the same thing, but yet again she is at least in her 50′s maybe, not sure, anyhoo she goes in to a shop one day and chats to the girl (they have had such a shit year, job lost and house lost to the earth quake) the girl then tells her that she has a friend my age with the same thing … later.. We’re at a gig for Stefan’s bday, The Up Beats vs State of Mind yay.. and after being up all day and off my fuking face, Clare comes up to me and says ‘she’s here, the girl, the girl like you’. I can’t handle it, it’s all too much, I go inside and hide, it’s all very well having this party that I inadvertently invited me, myself and I too. But to have someone else just the same, come in to the picture when the tea party table is full was all too much. One day I think her chemo is around mine, so you know. You never know…..