So I am re-writing this as I lost 2 days worth of my rants as well as my mind, but I digress.
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away………
THE BEATLES
Or so I thought, I wake up this morning in a fuzzy haze of my husband (ha ha sounds so grown up) saying ‘come on baby Womans Day will be ringing soon to go over your interview’.
Ok so when I found out I had cancer I thought fuk it six fingered toothless beneficiaries with 6 kids can have their story in there so can I, and I also wanted to show off our wedding too so anyhoo they ring and I correct them on a few things like, I have a Perez Hilton obsession not a Paris Hilton obsession, 2 completely different box’s there.
Anyways were now off to get tattoos and my hopes of my numb arm helping were um WRONG, fuk did it hurt (when we went to Thailand we got tattoos there on the inside of our arms, the guy fukd my one up so bad he scooted away as fast as he could, so the guy that did Mikes tried to fix it, 2 and a half hours later we were done) so that was getting touched up, and I had 2 on my back touched up and we both got or wedding dates done in roman numerals.
The chick doing them is so lovely all though the first time I met her I thought what the fuk am I doing here, she has just had her ears (I’m not sure of the correct term) cut and stitched to look like pixie ears, she says she is in a heap of pain. We ask her whether she has had pain killers as we have the preverbal truck load, she says the codeine made her really ill, which reminds me of when I got taken to the ER because of my over use of pain killers. As I have said before I didn’t want to take the strong pain killers because they muck up your insides and muck they do.
It was a Friday, four days after I had checked out of hospital, and 11 days till I had been to the loo. We were just hanging round at home with a friend and a bucket of KFC I managed to get one piece in and had to take myself up stairs. The result, me on the floor doubled over in pain, and 2 hours later I was in the ER. I have had colonics in the past so I knew what was going to happen but when someone not much older than you has to put their finger where the sun don’t shine it’s not grea., 3 hours later they were x-raying my bowels saying they were full and hard, and they weren’t surprised I had been throwing up all week as the food had nowhere to go.
And finally at 7 in the AM they give me an enima, thank god as they had given oral laxative and that didn’t work. (I don’t write these things to scare or gross people out its just my account of what has happened).